Last August I posted about My Constant Battle. Since then, I’ve realized depression isn’t my only battle. I battle with both depression and anxiety, which are frequent partners in crime. The evidence is clear in my previous post. That post is the buildup of my anxiety about being depressed and being diagnosed with depression.
Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask for help. It was the first time I discussed my anxiety and depression with my doctor, and it wasn’t as bad as the chemical imbalance in my brain made it out to be. I’m not sure what has held me back all these years, or, honestly, why I was never diagnosed with anxiety and depression as a child.
No experience I’ve encountered in life has been as bad as the crazy scenarios I make up in my head. When I was a kid, I thought it was just test anxiety, but I realize now it’s much greater than being stressed over a test. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t stressed about something, and most of the time it’s the silly things. You know, the stuff I can’t control. I barely slept last night because I was antagonizing over what was going to happen at my doctor’s appointment, and of course I had anxiety-induced dreams.
Several of the entries I’ve posted to this blog highlight my struggles with anxiety. I’m ready to begin moving forward, making notes of the triggers, and striving to achieve a healthier, stress-reduced lifestyle. The best part is I don’t have to do it alone like I’ve chosen to in the past. There are systems of support available to help me, and I’m ready to start utilizing them. I’m ready to become a better me.
There’s a purpose for everything in life, and I have always been a firm believer in that. I’ve spent a long time dwelling on my frustrations with my job, believing that I’m stagnant in my career. But I’m not. It’s working with families who have children who struggle with same day-to-day life challenges that I do that has opened my eyes to my own mental health challenge and the options available. Without having had this as my first job, I don’t know where I would be right now. Probably living at home with my mom being stagnant.
I’m better than that, and it’s because of the work I’ve done these last four and a half years. I might not feel like I’ve grown much professionally, but I have in fact grown. I have grown so much personally and professionally. Now I have the tools I need to achieve my maximum potential in whatever career path I choose to pursue.